How To Cope With A Difficult Mother

I often work with people who come for help dealing with a ‘difficult’ mother. Many find themselves stuck in an unsatisfactory relationship with their mother and although they might feel a close connection to her – often involving strong feelings – it is not the kind of close connection that…

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You’re The One Who Needs Fixing – Not Me!

When somebody in a family begins to have a problem – e.g. an eating disorder, unexplained illness or difficulty leaving home – it is very easy for everyone else involved to pin the blame on this one person. They are the ones who “should pull themselves together,” or “stop upsetting…

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So, Counsellor, What Do You Actually Do?

Recently, I had a call from someone looking for a counsellor. They asked me two perfectly reasonable questions –  “How do you work? And what do you actually do?” These are tricky questions to answer since the kind of narrative therapy I offer is not so much about what I…

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The Drama Triangle – Understanding Communication Breakdown

In 1968, Stephen Karpman first referred to the Drama Triangle model as a means of describing and analysing human interaction. Karpman’s ideas often prove useful in helping us identify the roles we ourselves play when stuck in unhelpful repeating patterns of communication with others – and how to step out of those roles.

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Shame And Dependency

Shame. There, I said it. Shame feels horrible. I think of a hot, creeping sensation that sweeps over the body, starting in the face and travelling rapidly down to the stomach – where it stays. It’s a feeling of having been exposed and found wanting when measured against our own or somebody else’s idea of a…

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Choice – Do I Have More Than I Might Think?

Ever find yourself thinking ‘I have no choice’ or ‘I couldn’t say no’? These are phrases I hear very frequently when people talk to me about what is going wrong in their lives. It is common to feel manoeuvred into a corner by a situation and that there is only one, or at best perhaps…

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With A Little Help From My Friends…

When we are going through a difficult time in our lives we often turn to those closest to us for comfort and advice. Talking to friends and family can help us make sense of what is happening in our world and give us much-needed support. What can we do to make it…

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Authenticity – What Is It And Do I Want It?

Authenticity is a term that is often bandied around by counsellors and psychotherapists as something worth having. But just what does it mean in the context of counselling and psychotherapy and what are the implications of trying to get it?   For me, authenticity involves being true to one’s own beliefs,…

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