“Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child’s loss of a doll and a king’s loss of a crown are events of the same size.” – Mark Twain
When people come to counselling with problems associated with any form of bereavement or loss, a common theme is a belief that they are somehow not entitled to their feelings as ‘other people are worse off’, ‘it was only a dog’ or ‘the rest of my family have moved on’. Painful feelings are unique to us as individuals. I work from the premise that if something matters to you then it is important that both you and I pay attention to it.
For me, there is no scale of grief which says that one loss is more worthy than another. Often, what might appear to others as a ‘minor’ loss can reawaken buried or unprocessed feelings from previous losses. For example, the death of a much-loved pet, whilst hugely painful in itself, might also bring back memories of the death of a sibling from many years before.
Talking things through in a safe and supportive setting can help us make sense of our feelings as well as freeing up some space in our lives to grow and flourish. We can still take our grief and memories with us, it’s just that they become a more manageable bundle to carry along the way.
