The Pros And Cons Of Perfectionism

Having practised as a psychotherapist and counsellor in Brighton for some 15 years, I have noticed that it is usually the extremes of human emotions and behaviour that cause the most trouble. And that even at the extremes, certain traits still have their advantages. In this post, I intend to examine perfectionism and how it might be both a special power and a hindrance in our lives as well as asking the question 'how might therapy for perfectionism help?'

The Advantages Of Perfectionism

If we set ourselves very high standards in life and take pleasure in doing things perfectly there are likely to be rewards. For example, we may gain recognition at work for our attention to detail. Or perhaps we take pride in having a neat and tidy home where everything of importance has a place (and can be easily found) and clutter is banished.

Often, it is our own perfectionism that might bring reward to others. For example, as a perfectionist, we might be the one who meticulously researches and organsises a holiday that benefits the whole family or friendship group. We might also enjoy being the person in control or the praise we receive for our role.

The Disadvantages Of Perfectionism

Trying to do things perfectly generally takes time. Sometimes, we may spend so long trying to do a particular project to perfection, that other, necessary tasks get neglected altogether. And, of course, perfectionism is subjective. For example, a 'perfect' garden may be manicured to within an inch of its life but perhaps the rather straggly one with its softened edges is much more restful to actually sit in.

If perfectionism gives us a sense of being in control, it might mean that this reward comes at a cost to others around us - family members, friends or work colleagues - who could feel that they have less or no say in situations that affect them as well as us. As such, we may find that important relationships suffer or that people drift away from us.

How Might Therapy For Perfectionism Help?

Therapy itself can be a somewhat messy process. Generally, it is not a nice, neat fix with a predictable timeline. And therapists cannot be perfect either. On occasion, we will lose our thread, struggle to understand, be too bold or not bold enough. However, it is often through the repair of these (infrequent and non-catastrophic) missteps that real gains are made. If we can tolerate the messiness of therapy then we are very likely to be able to learn to tolerate a life lived 'good enough' rather than to rigid perfection.

As is so often the case with behaviours that cause us trouble, therapy provides the opportunity to explore what aspects of that particular trait we would like to keep, whilst all the time knocking the corners of any disadvantages it might be bringing.

Caroline Clarke (MSc Psychotherapy) - therapy for perfectionism and associated relationship difficulties in Brighton & Hove and online.

Contact me to arrange an initial consultation in my office next to Preston Park station in Brighton & Hove or online via Zoom. You can find my current availability here.

Photo courtesy of Alexandru Acea via Unsplash