Adapting to Change

All human beings have a narrative; a story or series of stories we tell ourselves to make sense of the world and how to operate within it. Some of us are open to changing our narrative and others may struggle to do so. What impact does our willingness to explore alternative perspectives have on how much benefit we might get from therapy? What Makes Therapy Effective? It is generally accepted that a strong alliance between therapist and client is a key factor in a positive the

Having practised as a psychotherapist and counsellor in Brighton for some 15 years, I have noticed that it is usually the extremes of human emotions and behaviour that cause the most trouble. And that even at the extremes, certain traits still have their advantages. In this post, I intend to examine perfectionism and how it might be both a special power and a hindrance in our lives as well as asking the question 'how might therapy for perfectionism help?' The Advantages Of Pe

Retirement, although possibly longed for, involves huge change . Some of us navigate the transition from working to not working without any major difficulties. For others, the change can bring tension (for ourselves and for those close to us) as we struggle to deal with the various losses involved as well as adapting to a new and unfamiliar rhythm of life. How might counselling or psychotherapy help? The Pros And Cons Of Ending Work Many people look forward to retirement w

Over the years, we will all develop strategies for being in the world . Most of the time these personal guides for decision-making are useful to us. Sometimes, however, we might have become over-reliant on one particular strategy and not noticed that it is no longer serving us well. How might psychotherapy help? Common Strategies For Dealing With The World In my view it is important to have robust and varied ways of approaching the world; effective personal plans of action p

The theme of mistakes often figures in the stories people bring to therapy. These might be choices we have made in the past which have left us feeling guilty or ashamed. Often, it is our response to previous mistakes that is causing us more harm than the actual mistake itself. How might therapy help? We all make mistakes in our lives: decisions that we later come to regret (sometimes bitterly), chances we have missed, wrong turns and behaviour that has done harm to others in

We've all encountered people who do a lot . Or perhaps we like to be doing ourselves? People who do stuff are useful to have around as they are excellent at getting things done! However, there often comes a point when a limit is reached and doing tips into over-doing. How can counselling or psychotherapy help? The Person Who Does There are many advantages to being a person who does. If this is us, we often - are organised are generally capable and competent function well at

Throughout our lives we will all receive messages from other people about who we are and what we are like. Such information will have an impact on the way we feel about ourselves. Positive messages will build our confidence whereas other, less favourable ones, might help us to regulate our behaviour and fit in with other people. Sometimes, unhelpful or outdated messages can hold us back from living a fulfilling life. How might therapy help? Common Labels Examples of labels

Whenever I hear a person labeling someone else an 'Attention Seeker' , there is always something in their tone of voice or manner which suggests judgement - a sneer, a rolling of the eyes, a sigh of exasperation. Apparently, to seek attention from others is not a good thing. It is, in effect, a bother. What can be done? The Origins of Attention Seeking In my experience, people who continually seek attention from others have invariably lived through a crucial time in their l

What happens to us when we are repeatedly 'not heard' by important others? From a child's perspective, I can imagine feeling misunderstood, unseen, dismissed and - eventually - angry. In adulthood, there might then be a danger that this old anger may get in the way of us feeling heard by the people who are closest to us now. What Does Not Hearing Sound Like? I recently came across a thought-provoking article entitled Emotions Are Not Bad Behaviour written by the Sydney-bas

Many of us are prompted to come to therapy for one of two reasons: when something in our lives goes seriously wrong; or feelings such as anxiety (fear), anger and sadness become overwhelming. The last thing we want is for therapy to make us feel even worse. Getting Over The Hump (So To Speak...!) At first, and also perhaps just before we embark on a major change, spending time in the therapeutic space can feel very uncomfortable. Finally, we find ourselves facing difficulti

We will all face times in our lives when our world is turned up side down and the everyday routine we previously took for granted suddenly disappears. We might be left feeling powerless, confused and anxious. When we are distressed, it can feel very difficult to get the help we need; other people just don't seem to get it. We try harder and harder to regain control of our lives but matters only seem to get worse. What can we do? When we are feeling anxious - perhaps having

Nobody wants to stay feeling stuck, sad, angry or confused . All we want is for these feelings to be magicked away - hopefully never to...

In psychotherapy and counselling, we have the opportunity to 'tell our story' to someone who is able to hear it; someone who can help us think about it in new ways and support us while we are doing so. But what about outside the consulting room? What else can we do to open up our minds to new possibilities for living our lives? Other People's Stories My answer to these questions is to read (or watch, or listen) to other people's stories. In my opinion it's an easy, guilt-fre

When we are feeling vulnerable, a bit wobbly and everything seems to be going wrong at once a good dose of kindness can go a long way to...

Many people think of contacting a therapist when something in their life goes wrong and they are left feeling distressed, confused or overwhelmed. However, therapy can also be beneficial for people who, despite their lives rolling along pretty well, have a sense that things could be better. Maybe we have a vague feeling that some aspects of our behaviour are holding us back from, for example, progressing in a career, finding a partner or enjoying life to the full. Anxiety ha

For individuals, working with a psychotherapist or counsellor for the longer term - 12 months or more - can feel very different to a...

If, as children, we felt repeatedly hurt , humiliated, abandoned, suffocated or ignored by someone close to us and on whom we depended...

Describing our lives and how we feel through the use of metaphor is, I believe, a powerful means of exploring and making sense of our...

I have come across numerous contradictory answers to this question. It appears that the definition of each term depends upon whom you ask. In my view, there is one fundamental difference between the two processes, together with lots of cross-over. This essential difference is sometimes tricky to grasp and even trickier to explain! First And Second Order Change I believe that both counselling and psychotherapy are about providing a space where change can occur. Counselling

I like a good metaphor and I came across a great one the other day. On my holidays a tour guide was apologising for not being able to...