Family Conflict

Difficulties between mothers and adult daughters can cause much distress to both parties. Mother daughter therapy provides a safe space in which to identify what is going wrong and explore ways to either repair the relationship or come to terms with a level of emotional distance that we may not have chosen - at least in the short term. Therapy Together Joint therapy for a mother and daughter can often be helpful if you are both able to talk about old hurts, power imbalances,

No matter how hard we try to keep ourselves safe or  find out what is wrong, the distance between us and one or several family members remains.

I am often approached for help from parents experiencing conflict with their adult children. Difficulties between the generations can...

When something is going wrong in an important relationship (whether it be between a couple, parents and adult children, siblings or friends), is therapy together usually the best way to tackle the problem?  Or, would individual therapy be more beneficial?

In my last post about conflict between parents and adult children I introduced the concept of identifying and changing the power dynamic within the relationship. When children are young, parents tend to have all or most of the power - they are in charge. As children become adults, this power dynamic will need to shift. What could possibly go wrong?!   What Is Power? Power can be defined in many different ways. I tend to think of it as the ability to make decisions for oursel

How we deal with loss is fundamental to our mental and emotional well-being.

Acknowledging that our behavior has hurt someone's feelings and taking responsibility for our own part in a situation can be a very powerful way of healing rifts, cementing relationships and preventing resentment from building up. What might we aim for when saying sorry? Family Difficulties One of the most common themes I encounter in my work as a psychotherapist is anger and upset between family members - especially parents and adult children - that can often date back ma

Most families have secrets of some sort. Unwelcome truths are withheld, lies might be told and the burden of information that must not be shared is carried around. The weight of keeping such secrets - or a sense that something within the family doesn't quite add up - can lead to distress leaking out into daily life causing anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms. How might therapy help? Common Family Secrets Common secrets within families include withholding information about: p

Most parents go through some tough times when their children move into young adulthood. The family system is put under pressure to accommodate shifts in responsibilities and authority - and such changes, although necessary, can be painful. Usually, a new equilibrium is found that everyone can live with. Sometimes, however, difficulties persist and the relationship between parent and adult child becomes strained and stuck. What can be done? Does Something Need To Change? If t

I often work with people who come for help dealing with a 'difficult' mother. Many find themselves stuck in an unsatisfactory relationship with their mother and although they might feel a close connection to her - often involving strong feelings - it is not the kind of close connection that they would like. As adults, most of us manage to negotiate a relationship with our mothers which is good enough. Over time, the dynamic between us will ebb and flow and there might be p

When somebody in a family begins to have a problem - e.g. an eating disorder, unexplained illness or difficulty leaving home - it is very easy for everyone else involved to pin the blame on this one person. They are the ones who "should pull themselves together," or "stop upsetting your mother / father". Somewhere along the line we assume that the person in difficulty is solely responsible for what is happening and that 'fixing' their behaviour will solve the problem. A Soci

What is it with mothers and daughters? Why does this particular relationship so often appear complicated and full of misunderstanding, resentment and emotional pain - especially at the time when young women begin to struggle for independence from their family-of-origin? I'm not even going to attempt to answer these questions, but here are a few thoughts on the subject that might spark some debate.   Recently, I have discovered the American writer, Elizabeth Strout. I read a