How To Get The Most Out Of Therapy

All human beings have a narrative; a story or series of stories we tell ourselves to make sense of the world and how to operate within it. Some of us are open to changing our narrative and others may struggle to do so. What impact does our willingness to explore alternative perspectives have on how much benefit we might get from therapy?

What Makes Therapy Effective?

It is generally accepted that a strong alliance between therapist and client is a key factor in a positive therapeutic outcome. In other words, if we are able to form a solid relationship with our therapist the process of change for the better is more likely to be successful.

A good therapeutic alliance might involve the following:

• trust

• safety

• openness

• courage, and

• humour.

Therapy involves two people (one of whom is puzzled or in distress about some aspect of their life) identifying a change that needs to happen in that person's life and exploring how that change might be brought about.

The Open Narrative

If we are open to having our own worldview challenged, therapy is much more likely to be effective. It is much easier to build a relationship with someone who can tolerate - or learn to tolerate - friendly challenge. We will be prepared to listen to an alternative perspective and see whether it might fit. This does not mean that an alternative perspective is necessarily the right course of action, more that it encourages us to consider different options - maybe going back and forth with an idea until we arrive at something useful.

The Closed Narrative

If, however, we are in possession of a strong personal narrative in which e.g. the world is seen in one 'true' way and/or involves inflexible rules of behaviour that apply to all, we may find it very difficult to tolerate challenge from any quarter. And this includes challenge from a therapist who may invite us to look at a problem that is troubling us from different viewpoints.

Of course, we may have good reasons why we might block challenge from other perspectives. Perhaps we have a (perfectly understandable) need to protect ourselves from becoming emotionally overwhelmed, or maybe we struggle to tolerate change - even if it might benefit us. These are the kind of barriers to taking action that can be examined in a supportive therapy environment.

How Might Therapy Help?

The therapeutic relationship can often be seen as a proxy for other relationships. As a therapist, I might gain insight into how you relate to others based on how you relate to me.

To start, I will make every effort to understand what is going on for you. Then, we might both need to be courageous. My task would be to offer my knowledge and experience of being in the world as well as share how it feels for me to be with you in a way that can be heard (i.e. with kindness and maybe a dash of humour). Your task would be to tolerate exploring and practising alternative ways of being that might be unfamiliar. Together we build a new narrative that serves you better.

Caroline Clarke: Brighton psychotherapist, MSc Psychotherapy, UKCP-registered. In-person psychotherapy in Brighton and online psychotherapy throughout the U.K.

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Image courtesy of Florian Klauer on Unsplash