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Many couples struggle to find a way to communicate effectively . Without a solid platform from which to discuss tricky subjects safely and productively we may flounder around feeling unhappy, angry and stuck. There might be rows, silences and slammed doors but no matter how much energy is expended nothing changes; the difficulties within the relationship stay the same. How might counselling and psychotherapy help? Feeling The Pressure Communication difficulties often arise -

Could black and white thinking be hindering you from making friends, forging a career or finding a life partner? Many of us can get stuck in an old pattern of behaviour where a relationship or situation is seen as either all good or all bad and something that starts well may quickly end in hurt, upset and withdrawal. How might psychotherapy and counselling help? Black And White Thinking Defined Black and white thinking describes a simplistic and rigid way of experiencing th

How we deal with loss is fundamental to our mental and emotional well-being.

Many of us struggle to find the right balance of assertiveness in relationship with a partner, family members, friends or at work. Something is getting in the way of being able to firmly state our own needs, negotiate with others and reach a compromise that is satisfactory for all.

In our efforts to connect to someone are we inadvertently pushing them away?

Over the years, we will all develop strategies for being in the world . Most of the time these personal guides for decision-making are useful to us. Sometimes, however, we might have become over-reliant on one particular strategy and not noticed that it is no longer serving us well. How might psychotherapy help? Common Strategies For Dealing With The World In my view it is important to have robust and varied ways of approaching the world; effective personal plans of action p

Are fears of being judged, shamed or made to feel inadequate getting in the way of seeking help?

Many people coming to counselling or psychotherapy for the first time describe how they cannot stop themselves from dwelling on old hurts or mistakes from the past. The memories are, without exception, negative and often evoke feelings of frustration and shame. How can counselling or psychotherapy help? The Stuck Record Rationally, we probably know that repeatedly thinking about the times we have failed in some way or have felt misunderstood and let down by others does us n

The theme of mistakes often figures in the stories people bring to therapy. These might be choices we have made in the past which have left us feeling guilty or ashamed. Often, it is our response to previous mistakes that is causing us more harm than the actual mistake itself. How might therapy help? We all make mistakes in our lives: decisions that we later come to regret (sometimes bitterly), chances we have missed, wrong turns and behaviour that has done harm to others in

We all have times in our lives when we are lonely . Feeling cut off from the support and companionship of others can be a huge source of...

As human beings we all have needs and wants (for love, attention and so on) and have likely worked out a strategy for the best way to have these needs met. Sometimes, a strategy that worked tolerably well in the past begins to work against us and we are left bewildered as to why people close to us stop meeting our needs, become irritable and/or leave. How might therapy help? Not Taking 'No' For An Answer A common strategy for getting our needs met is persistence. We ask oth

Acknowledging that our behavior has hurt someone's feelings and taking responsibility for our own part in a situation can be a very powerful way of healing rifts, cementing relationships and preventing resentment from building up. What might we aim for when saying sorry? Family Difficulties One of the most common themes I encounter in my work as a psychotherapist is anger and upset between family members - especially parents and adult children - that can often date back ma

We've all encountered people who do a lot . Or perhaps we like to be doing ourselves? People who do stuff are useful to have around as they are excellent at getting things done! However, there often comes a point when a limit is reached and doing tips into over-doing. How can counselling or psychotherapy help? The Person Who Does There are many advantages to being a person who does. If this is us, we often - are organised are generally capable and competent function well at

As human beings we are hard-wired to make sense of what happens to us. This is an important skill since good judgement about the world gives rise to emotional and physical safety. Sometimes, however, we might be continuing to interpret our current experiences based on skewed or narrow unconscious assumptions about how to approach life that we have made in childhood, adolescence or at a traumatic time in our lives. How might therapy help? A Simple Example of the Power of Int

Throughout our lives we will all receive messages from other people about who we are and what we are like. Such information will have a...

Most families have secrets of some sort. Unwelcome truths are withheld, lies might be told and the burden of information that must not be shared is carried around. The weight of keeping such secrets - or a sense that something within the family doesn't quite add up - can lead to distress leaking out into daily life causing anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms. How might therapy help? Common Family Secrets Common secrets within families include withholding information about: p

Whenever I hear a person labeling someone else an 'Attention Seeker' , there is always something in their tone of voice or manner which suggests judgement - a sneer, a rolling of the eyes, a sigh of exasperation. Apparently, to seek attention from others is not a good thing. It is, in effect, a bother. What can be done? The Origins of Attention Seeking In my experience, people who continually seek attention from others have invariably lived through a crucial time in their l

Did you grow up in a household where one of the rules was to accept the word of those in authority without question? People who have difficulty asserting themselves in adulthood have often had this experience and it can lead to serious consequences for the way they approach life and relate to others. How might therapy help? The Double Bind One of the problems of receiving a 'do not question!' message in childhood from a person in authority - particularly a parent on whom we

A recurring theme when working with communication difficulties is how to find common ground when one person approaches life's challenges in a very logical, thinking way and the other is much more inclined to focus on relationships and feelings. How might counselling or psychotherapy help? Pros and Cons of the Logical Mind It is not difficult to imagine the benefits of an ability to think logically, decisively and calmly in a range of different circumstances. With an emotion

What happens to us when we are repeatedly 'not heard' by important others? From a child's perspective, I can imagine feeling misunderstood, unseen, dismissed and - eventually - angry. In adulthood, there might then be a danger that this old anger may get in the way of us feeling heard by the people who are closest to us now. What Does Not Hearing Sound Like? I recently came across a thought-provoking article entitled Emotions Are Not Bad Behaviour written by the Sydney-bas