All Posts

Ever find yourself thinking 'I have no choice' or 'I couldn't say no'? These are phrases I hear very frequently when people talk to me...

When we are going through a difficult time in our lives we often turn to those closest to us for comfort and advice. Talking to friends...

Authenticity is a term that is often bandied around by counsellors and psychotherapists as something worth having. But just what does it...

We all get anxious . Most of the time we can contain the feelings that accompany anxiety; we know that they are uncomfortable but also...

Metaphors often prove to be a very useful tool when trying to find out what is going on in someone's life and how best to help. People...

Attachment theory is an attempt to explain differences  in the dynamics of long-term human relationships based on how an infant connects...

You've signed up for some sessions with a psychotherapist or counsellor. You're committing your time, energy and hard-earned cash. You've...

People coming for counselling at my practice in Brighton often ask me for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) . Perhaps they have read about CBT in the press or it has been mentioned to them by their GP. CBT is one of many approaches to counselling, rather than a separate form. I adopt a cognitive behavioural approach to some of my work, particularly at the start of the process. For instance, if you were to come to me for help with problematic anxiety or relationship difficul

I'm a bit of a Grinch when it comes to positive thinking . When we are sad I don't think it is helpful to feel like we always have to...

Many people think of contacting a therapist  when something in their life goes wrong and they are left feeling distressed, confused or...

All exchanges involving two sides have rules , even if they are unwritten. When we negotiate (argue...) with our partners there will also be rules and there is one simple one which is often overlooked but that can have a real impact on how we resolve our differences. Arguments have a tendency to go round and round. Sometimes  we find ourselves in the frustrating position of being unable to reach any sort of agreement - things just get more and more heated until one or other o

I've realised that I've been avoiding writing an article about avoiding conflict. I mentioned writing about this subject months ago (see...

When choosing a therapist in the UK , how do you know if that person is properly qualified? I realised the other day that no-one coming...

It can be hard to ask for help and particularly so if you are someone who has become used to dealing with your own difficulties alone....

What is it with mothers and daughters? Why does this particular relationship so often appear complicated and full of misunderstanding, resentment and emotional pain - especially at the time when young women begin to struggle for independence from their family-of-origin? I'm not even going to attempt to answer these questions, but here are a few thoughts on the subject that might spark some debate.   Recently, I have discovered the American writer, Elizabeth Strout. I read a

For individuals, working with a psychotherapist or counsellor for the longer term - 12 months or more - can feel very different to a...

In this post I aim to give you an overview of what to expect when you come to me for relationship counselling in Brighton and Hove. All counsellors and psychotherapists have their own unique way of working and whatever their approach, it will suit some people and not others. I like to give my clients an idea of how I work before they come to see me for the first time. Working with me as a couple is often insightful, difficult, frustrating, surprising and humbling (for all t

Is there a right way to grieve? I think the simple answer to this question is ‘no’. People grieve for the loss of their loved ones in all sorts of different ways and usually find their own path through the untidy mess of feelings that often follows death. However, I do believe that some ways of grieving can prove to be better than others. In my experience of working with people who have been bereaved, the best outcome seems to come about when: we are able to accept our feeli

Ever thought to yourself as you argue with your partner - "here we go again, same old, same old"? Perhaps you've got stuck in a downward...

Pets can mean so much to us . They give us love, companionship, routine and, for example, in the case of dogs, exercise and all-weather fresh air. Often an integral part of the family, they can leave a very large hole when they die or we can no longer care for them and need to give them up. How might therapy help us process feelings of profound loss? When people come to therapy with problems associated with any form of bereavement or loss, a common theme is a belief that they