In this article I aim to give you an overview of what to expect when you come to me for relationship counselling in Brighton and Hove. All counsellors and psychotherapists have their own unique way of working and whatever their approach, it will suit some people and not others. I like to give my clients an idea of how I work before they come to see me for the first time.
Working with me as a couple is often insightful, difficult, frustrating, surprising and humbling (for all three of us!). I can’t fix your relationship single-handedly, but I can work with you to find a better way of relating where each of you becomes more aware of both your own and the other’s vulnerabilities – and is able to allow a little extra space to accommodate them.
Right from the start I will be interested in the way you relate to each other. I am not searching for someone to blame, rather I am looking for an established negative pattern that is getting in the way of you enjoying your relationship. We all have our emotional raw spots – hangovers from childhood or previous relationships and experiences – and, often, in our effort to make things better, we can end up smashing into the other’s sensitivities and reinforcing an unhelpful cycle; one of either arguing and upset or unhappy distance. In my experience, the more you know about your respective sensitivities before you come to couples counselling, the better the outcome. As such, I will often recommend having some individual counselling before embarking on counselling together.
See my post ‘Relationships – More Of The Same Or Something Different’ (2nd May 2013) for information about changing patterns of relating that have got stuck in a negative cycle.
Postscript: Couples Counselling is not always the best way forward when trying to resolve relationship difficulties. Please see my post ‘Joint Therapy or Individual Therapy?’ for more on this subject.
Updated October 2024
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