I am often approached for help from parents experiencing conflict with their adult children. Difficulties between the generations can arise at any time. However, one of the most significant pinch points seems to be when young people are – or could be – breaking away from their first family and…
Many couples struggle to find a way to communicate effectively. Without a solid platform from which to discuss tricky subjects safely and productively we may flounder around feeling unhappy, angry and stuck. There might be rows, silences and slammed doors but no matter how much energy is expended nothing changes;…
Could black and white thinking be hindering you from making friends, forging a career or finding a life partner? Many of us can get stuck in an old pattern of behaviour where a relationship or situation is seen as either all good or all bad and something that starts well…
An old friend of mine had a habit of marching into my home and making the tea whenever she came to visit. Without so much as a by-your-leave, she would rifle through my kitchen cupboards while I stood in the doorway privately fuming.
I frequently come across examples of how unprocessed feelings associated with a distressing event or circumstances are passed down through the generations causing pain and confusion long after the actual trauma is over. Often, we might be unaware that we have been (usually unwittingly) handed a negative experience of the…
Most parents go through some tough times when their children move into young adulthood. The family system is put under pressure to accommodate shifts in responsibilities and authority – and such changes, although necessary, can be painful. Usually, a new equilibrium is found that everyone can live with. Sometimes, however,…
I often work with people who come for help dealing with a ‘difficult’ mother. Many find themselves stuck in an unsatisfactory relationship with their mother and although they might feel a close connection to her – often involving strong feelings – it is not the kind of close connection that…
‘How To Talk To A Defensive Person’ (15th February 2014) has proved to be the most popular post on this blog. Finding a way to have important conversations with someone who fends off all advances appears to be a subject which touches hearts and minds across all cultures; it’s not…
When somebody in a family begins to have a problem – e.g. an eating disorder, unexplained illness or difficulty leaving home – it is very easy for everyone else involved to pin the blame on this one person. They are the ones who “should pull themselves together,” or “stop upsetting…
Nobody wants to stay feeling stuck, sad, angry or confused. All we want is for these feelings to be magicked away – hopefully never to return. Rather than banish troublesome feelings, good counselling or psychotherapy helps us to understand where these feelings are coming from and sheds light on new…
